Marriage Therapy
Many couples find themselves wondering what happened to a relationship they once enjoyed. Marriages need to be strong enough to resist pressures from all sides. A solid foundation and healthy coping skills are essential to having a marriage that is stable and enjoyable. Both partners need to understand how their attitudes and behaviors help or hinder marital success. There are no perfect people or perfect marriages, but we all can find ways to improve our “growing edges” and build on our strengths.
In marriage therapy, the relationship becomes the “client.” The health of the marriage is the primary focus. Each partner will have individual issues that need to be addressed for the purpose of improving the marriage. It takes two! Therefore, therapy may include sessions with each individual partner in addition to sessions with the couple.
Does it work?
When problems persist in a marriage, it may be tempting to abandon the relationship and “move on.” This is usually not a good solution since people typically take their problematic attitudes and behaviors with them into the next relationship. Consequently, second marriages fail at a higher rate than first marriages. Why not work on improving the marriage you already have? A different partner will eventually present you with a different set of challenges to adapt to. Certainly, there are extreme situations that warrant separation, but so many divorces simply don’t need to happen.
It is sometimes stated that “marriage therapy doesn’t work.” Indeed, there are a lot of couples that divorce after going to therapy. Some people go to therapy to appease a complaining spouse or to “get them off their back.” Others go through the motions of therapy even though they have already decided to abandon the marriage. Doing so gives them the opportunity to say, “See, that didn’t work either, so let’s just divorce.” Others, struggling with feelings of guilt, view the therapist as someone to take over the care of an abandoned spouse for them. Marriage therapy is for couples that want to stay married. If both partners are invested in the process and willing to learn and grow, therapy can be quite effective.
Extramarital Affairs:
An affair is a very destructive blow to a marriage. Affairs may be physical, emotional, or both. Either way, it is the sense of betrayal that typically does the most harm. The painful emotions and damaged trust can be difficult to heal, but it is possible. After therapy, some couples even report having a better marriage than before the affair. Obviously, I don’t recommend having an affair to improve one’s marriage! The point is that there is hope if both partners are committed to the healing process. After an affair, partners need to focus their efforts on building a new, improved marriage, not simply starting over with the relationship they initially had.
